i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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