I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
