I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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