They should really pass out barf bags in church
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
