Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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