I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
