Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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