Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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