Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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