I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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