Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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