I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
