you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
