We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
