Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
