i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize