I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
God, I missed his penis.
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