I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
