why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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