i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
