true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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