we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
