i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Enjoy the penises
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
