I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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