What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
honey bunches of taint.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
