did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize