WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize