You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
