Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
