Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone signed my nipple.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
