Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
