Sry I called you an 8
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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