It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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