I can text with my tongue
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
