i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
