There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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