my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
