I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Congratulations! We have a period
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
