And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize