I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize