I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
