Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
