The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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