i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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