Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
