I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
