he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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