chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
