this beer tastes like vomit already
In America we eat man semen.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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