It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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