dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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