Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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