Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Banned from zoo.
Again?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
