No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
