I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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