You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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