you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
