well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
