Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
