He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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