After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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