if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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