i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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