it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
