in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
