I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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