Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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