Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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