He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
