You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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