my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just had sex on a roof
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize