Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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