Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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