I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am available for nakedness
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
