I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize