woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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